


MAGIC

by Two_Guns_And_A_Knife



Category: Stephanie Plum - Janet Evanovich
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-29
Updated: 2012-08-29
Packaged: 2017-11-13 03:19:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 11,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/498856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Two_Guns_And_A_Knife/pseuds/Two_Guns_And_A_Knife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Desperate times call for desperate measures. And now a desperate man decides to try a little magic to save his lost love. Theme Song: You Can Do Magic by  America. Oh, BTW, be afraid, Cupcakes, be very afraid...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Switched

**********Switched**********

He looks at the pinkish bubbling liquid inside the tiny delicate crystal bottle. He can feel cold sweat forming on his forehead. He can feel waves after waves of nausea growing in the pit of his stomach. This is his last chance to any happiness. The woman he wants for himself is going to marry his sworn enemy/rival in less than 10 minutes. He has tried everything and anything to stop her from marrying **_him_**. He has rushed to a jewelry store and bought her a diamond ring. He has dropped down onto both knees and pleaded. But still he failed his mission as she looked into his eyes and gently told him in front of everyone inside Pino's, "Joe, I'm sorry."

Her open rejection nailed his fate. All his dreams and hopes and longings were smashed. All the purpose and meaning of his life were erased. He was searching on the Internet for a painless method to rid him of his permanent heartache when he came across the little ad:

_Solution to Save Lost Love_.

His frantic prayer got him no answer. His teary regret brought him no redemption. So he paid online with his credit card and received a small package 2 days later. And inside the black velvet box lay this bottle and a note written in dark black ink, "Drink it 5 minutes before the wedding."

And now here he is, standing all alone in his sad lonely empty two story house with a shattered broken heart. "Drink it!" His envy and jealousy of Ranger calling out to him. "Drink it!" His desperate love for Stephanie whispering to him. So he closes his eyes, takes a long breath, and drinks the magic potion. The world around him starts to fade. It was the sentence at the bottom of the ad that helped me make the decision, he suddenly remembers.

_Take Your Enemy's Place At The Altar._

Yes, he wants to be the man standing at the altar waiting for his Cupcake. He wants to be the one putting the wedding ring onto her slender finger. He wants to be the one spending the rest of his life with her. He wants to be the father of their beautiful children. He wants...he wants to be Ranger...

Joe Morelli loses his consciousness, and wakes up slowly inside the small, serene church where the Manoso—Plum wedding will soon be held. And yes, he is standing right in front of the altar...

It worked!


	2. WTF?

**WTF?**

He blinks. And blink. And blinks.

**WTF?**

He frowns at his surroundings. Yep, he knows this pigsty alright, he used to live here from time to time here in short periods, but that was a long, long time ago. Why the hell is he here? And what the hell is that smell? Stale extra cheese and garlic pizzas, half-eaten meatball subs, rotten beer at the bottom of scattered beer bottles, always drooling but seldom bathed dog, cheap aftershave and even cheaper cologne, and dirty smelly unwashed socks. Yikes. Eew. Gag.

Why and what the fuck is he doing here at Morelli's home? He was in the church, right in front of the altar, inside his comfy old glass aquarium on Lula's lap, waiting for the wedding to begin, and he so wants to see Stephanie in her sexy black wedding gown. And now all of a sudden he's here in this dumpster! He throws up his hands in exasperation—wait a minute, he has **HANDS**? Since when? He looks around wildly and finally sees the tiny delicate crystal bottle lying peacefully and innocently on the bare hard floor.

And thus for the very first time is his unusually long life, Rex the Hamster starts to panic. Big time.


	3. Trapped

********Trapped********

It worked!

Joe Morelli stands stunned in gaping disbelief. He listens to the blood rushing in his ears and loses the ability to speak. He can feels his heart pounding in his chest. He can hear people happily chatting under their breath all around him. He's not a man who believes in magic and other nonsense. But the mysterious potion he purchased on the web out of desperation has worked magic for him. He is now a true believer on the brim of grateful tears...

His short-lived ecstasy lasts half a minute.

He frowns as he suddenly feels the breeze in...certain part of his body. How come he feels like he's not wearing any pants? Or his 4-day-old socks? Or his holey old Nike? He looks down and blinks, and blinks, and once again blinks in disbelieving confusion. He can't see his legs. An adorable furry round belly blocks his view. And where are his hands? He can't see his hands! His mouth goes dry as he tries to move his hands and sees and feels the cute little pink paws he now owns instead. His brain then stops functioning and turns empty.

_**What? When? How?**_

Where are his legs? He wants to see his legs! He knows he has legs! He starts to panic and frantically tries to bend down to see his legs and falls over and lands on his back, and goes straight into shock as he sees and finally recognizes the ultra giant milk chocolate face that stares down at him from outside the glass ceiling. And for the very time in his 37 years of life, Joseph A. Morelli passes out in a dead faint.

"Little rat got himself overexcited." Lula's thundering laughing voice is the last thing he hears before falling into blissful darkness...


	4. Human

**Human**

Rex tries not to hyperventilate. If he has learned anything from Stephanie over the years, it's how to go straight into panic mode and start hyperventilating immediately.

"Deep breath, babe." Rex fans and tells himself in a calm and assertive voice.

Yes, he has learned something from Ranger, too. He's a smart hamster, mind you, and no, he doesn't spend his days doing nothing but running, pooing and stuffing his mouth with raisins like your average family pet, thank you very much. Rex does an eye roll to no one in particular, and is happy to find that his heart rate is back to normal. Thinking of Ranger always has a calming effect on him, and he still has no idea why Stephanie once told him thinking of Ranger made her all hot and bothered. Must be one of those human or girl things, Rex decides and quickly throws the thought behind him as he goes back to stare at the little drop of pink liquid at the bottom of the crystal bottle.

Rex can feel his eyes start to twitch. He knows he is doomed. He has heard about it a long, long time ago when he was still a cute little baby hamster living in a small pet store with his brothers and sisters. Some stupid human wanted to challenge fate but got tricked and punished instead. Rex vaguely remembers the sad, forlorn look on the old long haired guinea pig's fluffy face when she told the story over and over and over again until one day an old man in black suit came into the store and took her away.

"Beware of the crystal bottle!" She kept on screaming at them in her shrill rodent voice from inside the black cardboard box. "Beware of the crystal bottle!"

A cold, unpleasant shiver slowly runs down Rex's spine and makes him nauseous. He looks down at himself. He now has two hands, two legs, and if what Stephanie said is right, a hairy butt, a hairy chest, and an ugly eagle tattoo. A drop of tear falls down Rex's unshaved and most certainly unwashed cheek.

Great. He already misses his tail...


	5. Wicked

**Wicked**

The wedding is short and not overly sweet. The calm tall dark mouth-watering groom and his overexcited bride leave straight away for their honeymoon after the ceremony. The happy, laughing families, friends and colleagues then drive to the high-end fusion restaurant and enjoy the wedding reception as planned. By the time the chubby hamster wakes, his milk chocolate neon-pink-and-gold-haired sitter is already snoring peacefully in a custom made extra king size bed beside her ebony man-mountain of a fiancé. And a large, ferocious-looking black-and-white cat is sitting by the old glass aquarium looking down at him with polite, amused interest.

Joe Morelli jumps and squeaks in shock and terror when the green-eyed cat with a beautiful sardonic smile in a lazy silky smooth voice speaks to him.

"Ah, Mr. Morelli. We finally meet."

This isn't real. Morelli frantically tells himself. It can't be! Cats can't talk. At least not in this beautifully dangerous and sexy voice! And why the Hell does he think a male cat's voice is sexy? Is there something wrong with him? Or is it because of the cat's slight British accent? Morelli almost faints as he feels his cute little tail start twitching nervously and excitedly. NO! He doesn't have a tail! He's not a hamster! He's a human being! He's a 37-year-old police detective! He's not Stephanie's pet! He's not inside a glass aquarium! And this cat is most definitely not talking to him! He must be dreaming or hallucinating out of stress or something! He squeezes his eyes shut, takes a few deep breaths, and wills himself to calm down. Everything will be just fine when he wakes up, Morelli tries his best to persuade himself, opens his eyes, looks straight into the cat's enchanting eyes and almost faints.

The cat tilts his head a little to the left, raises his brow just a fraction, graces a frightened Morelli with a barely there smile that eerily reminds him of someone and continues.

"God, you humans are so easy."


	6. Enchanted

**Enchanted**

Joe Morelli's two story house is now spotless and orderly. A swarm of 60-something old ladies led by a grim Angie Morelli burst through the front door hours ago around the time the wedding ended, gave Rex way too many kisses and hugs and "Oh my poor Joseph" and immediately started cleaning, washing, and scrubbing. All the beer bottles, pizza boxes and sub wrappers are gone with the rest of the garbage. All the smelly dirty clothes, socks and underwears are washed, ironed and folded. The once empty refrigerator is filled with boxes of homemade pastas, spaghettis and lasagnas. Joe Morelli's elder female relatives then gave Rex even more kisses, hugs, "Oh my poor Joseph" and "We will find you a much better girl than Stephanie"and went back to their dens, caves or lairs. Apparently Grandma Bella has fallen in love with her favorite grandson's pet, so the nonstop-drooling and underwear-eating Bob will stay at Mrs. Morelli's for a while longer, much to Rex's relief. He doesn't dislike Bob, but he's never really a dog person—or should he say "dog hamster"? And he still has nightmares about being eaten, chewed and swallowed by Bob from time to time. Watching the dog devour shoes, socks, thongs must have given Rex a life-long scar that may never heal, he sometimes thinks.

And thus here Rex Manoso(née Plum) is, totally and completely alone inside Joseph A. Morelli's house and too hairy body, with a police badge in his hand and a future he doesn't have enough courage to imagine ahead of him. He misses Ranger. He misses Stephanie. He misses his cute little hamster tail and his old glass aquarium...

Rex once again feels like crying but giggles instead. He can't write. He can't read. He's now a Trenton police detective. Can you see how funny this is?


	7. Cursed

**Cursed**

The cat slashes his long black tail casually like a wizard waving his wand. Joe Morelli trembles like an autumn leaf and hopes and prays frantically that the cat won't eat him, and almost screams in terror and frustration as he realizes that he has been thinking like a real hamster. What has he done to deserve this? Helplessly he asks himself. He is a hardworking, devoted police detective. He is a good man, good son and good driver. He is also Grandma Bella's favorite. All he ever wants is some real happiness. All he ever wants is a home, a wife, and a bunch of kids. All he ever wants is to take Ranger's place at the altar and marry Stephanie...

"All you ever want is to trap a woman in a web of lies and rob her of her love and happiness?" The cat's beautiful shining eyes bore into Morelli's soul like a pair of sleek sharp knives, his serene silky voice now a dangerous, tempting whisper.

Joe Morelli can not speak, suddenly feeling small and unworthy. He tries to look away but fails as a powerful wave of shame and guilt swallow him whole. Selfish. He's being selfish. He was so desperate that he chose to be selfish. He never ever stopped to think if it would hurt Stephanie. And it's not just about his love for her, he finally admits. It has very much to do with his envy and jealousy of Ranger—the man who's 2 years younger than Morelli but already has what he will never achieve. The fancy cars. The perfect body. The sharp enterprising mind and the courage to face his destiny. Joe Morelli lowers his head in grim defeat. He wants to cry. He wants to laugh. He wants to convince himself that it's all but a dream. But he knows there's no escape from this cruel unreal reality. And he wonders where Rex is...NO! It can't be! Stephanie's pet hamster can't be inside his body! Or can he?

Joe Morelli looks up at the cat in silent pleading and shrieks and squeals in overwhelming panic like a rodent that he now is as the cat gives him an eye roll and says in a bored tone, "Yeah, impossible is nothing."


	8. To Be Or Not To Be

**To Be Or Not To Be**

Rex Manoso is now facing a major dilemma.

He sniffs the air, frowns, and looks down at his new body in undisguised disgust. Joe Morelli's unwashed body, moppy oily hair, dirty clothes and 4-day-old socks are so smelly that Rex is literally choking himself to death. He has always been very attentive to his personal hygiene, and spends a lot of time cleaning himself with the chinchilla bathing sand Stephanie prepares for him everyday. However, Rex, by instinct, doesn't like water very much. He has only been bathed with warm water twice in his entire life. Both times were after some lunatics firebombed Stephanie's old apartment, and both time the ultra upset and nervous hamster bit Stephanie on her hand so hard that she bled. Rex knows he's very much in need of a whole bottle of Ranger's Bvlgari, a lot of hot water, and a good thorough scrub, but he really, really doesn't feel like stripping the Italian Stallion naked and placing his hands on certain parts of that famed hairy body, and he also hates water. He desperately wants to wash the terrible odor off himself, but by doing so he will most probably make himself very sick and scarred for life.

Rex stares at the spot on the floor where the tiny crystal bottle melted into nothing barely half a second before the mob of old ladies barged inside Morelli's door. All of a sudden he thinks of the night when an unarmed Ranger calmly and willingly walked into Stephanie's apartment, ready to come face to face with a dangerous sicko and prepared to die for the woman and the child he loves with his soul and life. Rex quietly wipes away his tears. His small hamster heart almost shattered into millions and millions of tiny shards when he heard the gunshots, and he was more than overjoyed the day a perfectly well and alive Ranger walked in the door and gave him some blueberries. Rex takes a deep breath, squares his shoulders, channels his inner Ranger, and makes a very important decision.

He has totally no idea why he's trapped inside Morelli's body, but he'll try all he can to get back to his own cute adorable chubby body and reclaim his life. He will start with taking the necessary bath on his own like the grown-up, matured, smart hamster that he is, and he will definitely figure out how to drive a car, shoot a gun, and be a police detective by tomorrow morning!

Well, maybe...


	9. True Love's Kiss

**True Love's Kiss**

"Acknowledge the wrong of your ways and repent, and everything will be right again and the bad things will just go away." The bright-eyed cat flicks a sharp claw across the glass wall of the aquarium, making a small but soul-piercing noise, and lazily adds just as a tiny ray of hope lights Joe Morelli's hamster eyes. "Too bad the universe doesn't work that way."

Morelli sags like a punctured balloon upon hearing the cat's indifferent voice. It's not supposed to end like this. He thinks numbly to himself as his shattered heart sinks to a bottomless dark abyss. He was just trying all he could to save his last chance for love and happiness like a desperate drowning man hanging on to a small plank of drifting wood. He was just trying to make his sweetest dream come true. He was just trying to hold on to the love of his life. He was just trying not to let go of Stephanie Plum. He was...he was just ...

"However, there's always redemption." The cat politely interrupts and as if by magic, Morelli's sobbing immediately stops as his cute little hamster ears perk up in rekindled hope and anticipation.

"To reclaim your body and life, you have until the next full moon to obtain..." The mischievous gleam in the cat's enchanting green eyes not only sends cold shiver down Morelli's spine, but also drops a realization into his already exhausted messed-up brain like an atom bomb. "True love's kiss."

"You've got exactly 13 days, 13 hours, 13 minutes and 13.13 seconds to accomplish your quest, Mr. Morelli." The cat gives the chubby trembling hamster a full on 200 Watt smile. "I suggest you hurry up."


	10. Eew!

**Eew!**

Eew.

Eew.

Eew.

Rex Monoso, now all alone inside Morelli's bathroom and breathing through his mouth, tries hard not to gag as he smells—or rather feels—the combined odor of stale beer, cheese, garlic and soured human oil and sweat seeping out through every pores on his skin. He has survived undressing this yikes oh so yikes body by thinking happy thoughts and keeping his eyes and fingers carefully away from all those dark tangled yucky bodyhairs. But now he wonders if he will ever have enough courage to reach for Morelli's cheap artificial musk-scented shower gel.

Rex has always been a practical hamster. Life, as far as he's concerned, is but a bigger hamster wheel. He seldom wastes his time asking stupid questions such as "What have I done to deserve this?" or "Why me?". He, like Ranger, just concentrates on the future ahead—after spending a reasonable amount of time panicking and hyperventilating like Stephanie always does, of course—and keeps moving forward. And there's no way he's going to let a stupid bottle of suspiciously pink gooey liquid block his path to become a badass attack hamster/Trenton police detective. So he throws all his worries and fears behind and bravely takes hold of the half-empty bottle, and jumps and screams when suddenly the shower curtain is pulled all the way open by a familiar lean weasel-like man.

Time stops dead and freezes with a confused frown as the two Italian men, one completely and totally naked while the other still panting from his run, stare at each other in awkward uncomfortable silence.

What the Hell is Vincent Plum doing here in Joe Morelli bathroom at this unholy hour of the night in nothing but a silky red velvet sleeping robe?


	11. Magical Helper

**Magical Helper**

Vincent Plum is here inside Joe Morelli bathroom on a mission. He is a much misunderstood man, truth be told, and not exactly the pervert everybody thinks and believes he is. He always has a way ** _—_** a ** _way_** , not a **_thing_** , mind you—with animals though he's not really an animal lover. And he looks like a weasel because he has been a weasel for 13 days, 13 hours, and 13 minutes.

You see, Vincent made a very wrong wish years ago, and ended up waking up inside the weasel display area of New York's Central Park Zoo one hot humid summer night as an one-eyed weasel named Buck. When the big white grumpy duck came out of nowhere and spoke to him in perfect English with a heavy Texan drawl, Vinnie passed out in a dead faint and bumped his head. And when he finally accomplished his quest and woke up again in his human body, he had already become a bounty hunter and married to Lucille. He also obtained the ability to see, hear and sense things normal people don't believe and can't notice, and became sort of an unpaid secret agent for the...Magical Community.

"Eew." Vincent Plum frowns at the too hairy naked male body in front of him. He can see why his cousin's pet hamster is so upset. Joe Morelli is definitely developing a very promising beer-and-pizza belly, and those tangled body hairs, the strong body odor and that ugly eagle tattoo ** _—_** never get a tattoo when drunk, people ** _—_** can be traumatic to innocent, inexperienced small animals like Rex. He reaches into the pocket of his robe for the small bottle of magic gel his handler(the famed duck, who else?) gave him and begins breathing with his mouth. He knows perfectly well that he's paying for the stupid mistake he made a long time ago. He's somewhat glad and grateful the powers that be intervened in time and stopped him destroying his life. And now he will officially start his task as Rex's magical helper. By waxing Joe Morelli.


	12. The Look Of Love

****The Look Of Love** **

_He watches them kiss. He watches them embrace. He watches them make plans for their future together. He watches their beautiful children run around and giggle with joy. He watches them live happily ever after..._

Joe Morelli wakes up screaming himself hoarse, all alone inside the old glass aquarium and still a hamster. The spacious bedroom is now empty and bathed in warm sunlight. He can hear Lula and Tank talking, eating and laughing somewhere in the house, but the familiar human voices makes he feel more miserable. The mysterious cat disappeared in a cloud of silver dust after giving him the advice and that dazzling smile, and he fell asleep listening to Lula's hypnotizing snores shortly afterward.

Morelli starts to tremble. He sees no hope in his future. How can he get anyone to kiss him—a furry chubby hamster—on the lips and break the spell? Surely no one with any sanity will want to kiss a rodent. And who the Hell is his true love? No, he's not having doubts that Stephanie may not be his real true love, but a man has to be practical and having backup plans never hurts. He's now trapped inside Rex's body, and Stephanie is far, far away on her honeymoon with Ranger and won't be back until 14 days later. No one knows where Ranger took her except for Tank, and Tank's lips are firmly sealed, Morelli overheard in the police station. There's no way he can find Stephanie in time and make her kiss him, Morelli rationally decides. So he will just have to find someone else to be his new true love.

Joe Morelli blinks back a tear and sniffs his cute little hamster nose pitifully. He suddenly feels small, lonely and frightened as reality finally weighs in. He can literally hear the clock ticking inside his head, but he has absolutely no clue whatsoever where and how to find his true love, he vaguely thinks to himself as he sits down and begins stuffing raisin after raisin into his cheeks, and somehow he also has a nagging feeling that he's becoming more and more like a real hamster...


	13. True Color

**True Color**

"Wow." Rex blinks twice in disbelief as he looks at the reflection in Joe Morelli's cracked dressing mirror. His body is now totally smooth and hairless except for his head and, well, You-Know-Where. Even the annoying dirty-looking permanent 5 o'clock shadow is gone, and that ugly eagle on his chest is replaced by an ever so cute brightly-colored Hamtaro. The magic gel did work magic, and Vincent sure has a pair of most gentle, experienced hands. Rex apparently is not the first person/animal Vincent waxed, but the forlorn, almost painful look on Vincent's pale face soon silences Rex's curiosity. He may be but a pet hamster, but he knows the sign of a terrible traumatic memory when he sees one on someone's face.

"What now?" Rex asks as Vincent stretches and yawns.

"Now you go get your shower and I'll go get my sleep." Vincent pulls a brand-new toothbrush, a blow dryer, a large bottle of organic mint and lemon-scented shower gel and a tube of blackberry-flavored toothpaste out of the pocket of his robe and hands them to Rex. "We'll move on to the next phase tomorrow morning after breakfast."

Rex washes his hair, scrubs himself squeaky clean, brushes his teeth, and wows as he dries his body and hair in 5 seconds with the help of the magic blow dryer. He then climbs into Morelli's bed and immediately falls asleep, and in his dream attends Stephanie and Ranger's beautiful, serene wedding inside the comfy old glass aquarium on Lula's lap in his own body. He cheers and does a happy dance when the groom kisses his bride, and waves goodbye and weeps happy tears as the sleek black Porsche drives away...

Hours later, he wakes up to the heavenly scent of freshly baked whole wheat bread, unsalted roasted assorted nuts, and mouth-watering tropical fruits, and finds that his mission today is quite simple. All Rex has to do is let Vincent drive him to TPD and persuades the police Chief that Morelli needs to take two weeks off to clear his head, mend his heart, and find someone else to love. Rex, a well-bred and properly raised hamster, nods politely to Morelli's wide-eyed neighbors when gets in the passenger seat of Vincent's car, and hops off the neon purple Lancer in front of the front door of TPD a bit nervously. He then walks into the building, determined to find the police Chief, but stands frozen instead as he spots the boxes of assorted doughnuts on a desk.

Rex gives out a moan. His eyes glaze over. A string of drool escapes his mouth. He always, always LOVES doughnuts. Stephanie used to share hers with him when they still lived in the old apartment, but ever since they moved in with Ranger, doughnuts—along with every other kind of deep-fried or sugar-coated goodies—has become a rare once-in-a-very-very-long-while-if-Ranger-finally-finally-takes-pity-on-Stephanie treat...

58 seconds later, Vincent Plum bolts out of his car, charges into the police station, and tries his best to elbow his way through the crowd of stunned, gaping officers and detectives as a really clean shaven Joseph A. Morelli stuffs his 6th Boston Cream doughnuts into his already bulging cheeks...

And the good news is, detective Morelli has no problem whatsoever obtaining Chief Corleone's permission for 2 weeks' leave. With pay.


	14. With One Kiss

**With One Kiss**

The chubby hamster who yesterday morning was still a hairy human freezes in mid action. Something at the back of his mind tells him he's not alone in this bright airy room. He drops the raisin in his cute pink paws and raises his head, and looks straight into the beautiful amber eyes of a curious cat. He looks around in slow motion and nearly faints. Twitching whiskers, slashing tails, and silent stare. Cats. He's surrounded by a bunch of cats. His head goes blank. His mouth goes dry. He hates cats. He's scared of cats. They are planning to eat him, he's sure, after toying and torturing him half-dead and making him beg for mercy. He's paralyzed with fear. He starts shaking. He needs to run. He needs to hide. He needs someone to pop out of nowhere and save his life.

"Help." He manages to squeak in a choking whisper as fragments of his too short life flashing in front of his teary eyes. "Somebody help." Several of the cats tilt their heads sideways slightly as if intrigued by his shrill rodent voice, and the amber-eyed tabby right in front of him presses closer to the wall of the aquarium just as Lula walks through the half-opened door and lets out a shriek. The little hamster slides to the floor unable to move while his two sitters try all they can to get the 13 cats out of the room.

He lets out a ragged breath. He can't help asking again what he has done to deserve this. He's pretty sure his heart stopped for a whole minute when the tabby gave him that predatory smile. How is he going to accomplish the impossible task? He asks himself. How is he going to survive this ordeal? The invisible clock hovering inside his head keeps telling him he doesn't have any time to waste, but he simply has not a clue how and what to do. What if he's doomed? What if he's trapped? What if he has to remain a hamster for the rest of his life? He goes straight into panic mode and immediately starts to hyperventilate. Maybe this is better. He dazedly thinks as the world gradually becomes a blur around him. Maybe this is his only way out. Maybe this is his salvation. Maybe he can just die and go to heaven...

"Oh my God! Rex! Do something, quick!"

He doesn't hear the alarmed cry. He doesn't feel the firm but gentle grasp of a giant human hand. He does, however, finally see those full, supple, beautifully shaped lips coming closer and closer toward his face but alas, it's too late. And thus Joe Morelli loses his first kiss, as a hamster, to Ranger's animal-loving second-in-command, Tank.

And nope, they are not meant for each other, I'm afraid.


	15. Kiss Of Life

**Kiss Of Life**

Tank. He and Tank just kissed. The quiet, muscular, ebony mountain of a man who has the softest and warmest lips...and the kiss of life was so gentle, so tender, and oh so sweet...Joe Morelli blinks in confusion at his quickened heart beats and blushed cheeks, and moans dreamily as a long strong finger starts rubbing his chest and tummy carefully. His eyes soon close on their own accord. His breathing starts to slow. He relaxes against Tank's palm enjoying the moment of comfort, all previous panic and worries forgotten, and for the first time in a long, long while, feeling safe, cared for and protected. He knows he should concentrate on the task at hand. He knows he needs to try all he can to free himself from this evil spell. But he just can't focus. His brain is still empty because of the fright, and he's so, so tired...

He's tired of his empty lonely house. He's tired of his messed-up life. He's tired of the sympathy looks people give him. He's tired of the occasional snickers and snorts sounding from behind his back. He's tired of being the loser. He's tired of his foolish, stubborn self. He should have walked away. He should have let go. He should have moved on. He should have known better. He should have helped Stephanie with her job. He should have accepted her as what she is. He should have been the one to support, help and protect her all the time. He should have been the one to win her heart. But now here he is, helpless and alone, trapped inside a pet hamster's chubby furry body...

Joe Morelli lies motionless in silent regrets and despair. And at the sight of the still body of Rex, Lula panics.

Nope, there's no way she's gonna let the Bat Pet die in her care. So she grabs the little hamster from Tank's hand, takes a deep long breath, and gives Joe Morelli a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation...

And the first clear thought comes into the little hamster's head after the shock finally recedes is that he likes Tank's kiss a lot better.


	16. Make A Wish

****Make A Wish****

A shooting star flew across the dark cloudy moonless sky one ordinary, average and normal night, contemplating upon the meaning of life, existence and love. And down below inside two very different buildings in the same sleeping city, a man and a hamster made their wishes at exactly the same time. Both were unaware of the frowning star passing through right above their heads. Both had been craving for what were not right and never meant for them for too long a time. And both didn't hear Fate's soft amused chuckle as she granted their wishes with a charming wicked smile. And it was 3 nights before Ranger and Stephanie's wedding day.

Officers and detectives of TPD scatter out of the way as Vincent Plum half drags, half carries Rex out of the building and drives away. Vincent stops by the side of a quiet road after pulling into the nearest McDonald's drive through for 2 large Cokes and 2 large fries. And in a low but calm and enchanting voice, he starts explaining to his cousin's pet hamster why he's here trapped inside Joe Morelli's body. An oily, salty French fry drops from Rex's hand as he gapes at Vincent's solemn face. Doughnuts, Pop-Tarts, French fries, and Tastykakes. He's trapped inside this body because he prayed for a chance to eat doughnuts, Pop-Tarts, French fries and Tastykakes to his heart's content. Rex's lips quiver as a drop of tear threatens to fall down his now stubble-free face. He has always been a good hamster for all his life, and almost never bitten anyone, and now he's being punished for making a wrong wish...

"You are not being punished." Vincent interrupts and gives Rex a warm hearty smile. "This adventure is actually your reward." His smile then deepens and turns more than just a little bit sinister as he thinks of what Doc the Duck told him last night. The little hamster gets to eat all the deep-fried or sugar-coated goodies he wants before returning to his own body safely, and Joe Morelli will be the one to deal with all the empty calories and, of course, pay the bill...

Fate sure has a weird sense of humour. And she does work in her own absurd, funny way.


	17. Impossible Dream

****Impossible Dream****

Tank and Lula give a collective sigh of relief the moment the chubby hamster jerked up and lets out a squeak in Lula's firm strong hand, and then take him to see the vet right away. Dr. Dolittle, the kind, energic 50-something lady who takes very good care of all Tank's cats, is still away on honeymoon with her 6th husband, so the always smiling assistant of the clinic takes them to Dr. House instead, and the vet soon decides to keep the hamster hospitalized for 12 hours for further observation.

Joe Morelli, still dizzy from Lula's kiss, listens half-heartedly to the conversation, and feels a sudden pang of panic as Tank thanks the vet and turns to leave. Morelli doesn't know what is wrong with him. He never ever thinks very much of Tank. The silent ebony giant, in Morelli's eyes, is but a thug, a hired muscle, a brainless, soulless minion who follows Ranger around like a guard dog and does whatever Ranger bids. But now suddenly something has changed inside Morelli. He can clearly see—or rather feel—Tank's worthy qualities. He realizes Ranger's right-hand man is actually a brave, smart, caring and truthful person. He has never felt so safe and protected when Tank held him so gently and tenderly in his hand, and he just doesn't want Tank to leave...

Morelli flings himself against the plastic wall of Rex's portable cage and cries out desperately like an abandoned child at Tank's broad, muscular back. He then freezes and gapes at himself as he finally understands what he just yelled. He lowers his head slowly. Tears well up in his eyes. Fragments of long-forgotten memories come back to him. He thinks of his almost always drunk and angry father. He thinks of his one impossible childhood dream. And he knows perfectly why he cried out at Tank, "Daddy, don't leave!"

He can't believe he's still aching and longing for a loving father after all these years.


	18. A Tale Of Two Hamsters

********A Tale Of Two Hamsters********

Rex sits alone inside Joe Morelli's small living room watching a rerun of SpongeBob Squarepants. Rex loves SpongeBob and Patrick Starfish. He and Stephanie always watch this hilarious cartoon series or whatever cooking and dancing shows together when Ranger is in the wind and the spacious 7th floor apartment suddenly becomes too quiet and too lonely. Vincent received a call from his wife about an hour ago and had to leave in a hurry to save his marriage. And Rex hasn't even touched the boxes of Pop-Tarts and Tastykakes. Rex knows he can make room in his still full stomach for the chocolate cookie dough Pop-Tarts. But when he reached out for his all-time favorite snacks, his hand froze as Ranger's voice sounded in his head:

"That stuff will kill you, babe."

Rex likes Ranger. He bought Rex his hamster ball and the pricey organic hamster treats. He's always so calm and smells so good. He always knows about everything and is always right. And Ranger never ever makes Stephanie cry...Rex simply couldn't bring himself to do what Ranger thinks isn't wise, so he decided to follow Ranger's teaching and regard this adventure as a test of his will power. He will try his best to do the right thing. He will try his best not to surrender to his craving for what's wrong and unhealthy for him. And even though Rex really doesn't like Joe Morelli, he can't and doesn't want to do harm to Morelli's body. He wasn't brought up and raised to be a selfish and inconsiderate hamster, mind you...but maybe he can eat a pack—just a pack, he swears on his precious old glass aquarium—of chocolate cookie dough Pop-Tarts when his tummy is not so full? Surely it won't do any harm to anyone? Right?

_**RIGHT?**_

If only his mother hadn't turned her head and looked away. Joe Morelli thinks numbly to himself. If only his mother hadn't pretended everything was perfect and just fine. If only his mother could have had the courage to stand up against her drunk abusive husband and protect her frightened screaming child...if only...if only...Morelli sighs a defeated sigh. No use placing the blame after all these years. No point crying over what can't be undone. And what's wrong with him? why the Hell did he feel angry toward his own mother? Didn't he always wish Stephanie could be just like his mother? A traditional woman. A dutiful housewife. An excellent cook and diligent cleaner. An obedient, uncomplaining wife who never ever says no to her husband...

A cold shiver runs down Joe Morelli's spine. An uneasy feeling then grasps hold of his heart. Is this the reason why he's now trapped inside Rex's body? He clicked on the ad because he wanted to save his lost love, his last chance to happiness. He wanted to marry Stephanie Plum. He wanted her to become a perfect housewife. He wanted her to take care of all his needs. He wanted her to prepare his meals, to make his bed, to clean his house...And Stephanie loves her pet hamster. She takes good care of her pet. She prepares her pet's meals. She makes her pet's bed. And she cleans her pet's cage...

"Ah, I see we have some progress here, Mr. Morelli."

Joe Morelli jumps and squeaks as the black-and-white cat materializes out of nowhere and gives him a small but charming smile that doesn't quite reach his beautiful bright green eyes.

"I trust you remember that I said you had 13 days to accomplish your quest?" The cat's smile deepens and turns into a mischievous, wicked grin as the little hamster nods nervously."Well, I lied."


	19. A Frog and A Prince

****A Frog and A Prince****

Joe Morelli doesn't know what to say or how to react. He wants to roar in anger and outrage but he doesn't dare. For he knows the... _thing_ standing in front of him is no ordinary cat. He recognizes danger whenever it is near. And right now he knows he is scared. He can almost see rays of darkness dancing and simmering just beneath the beautiful, shining black-and-white coat of the cat. One wrong word and he will probably be dead...and somehow he suddenly remembers that he doesn't even know the cat's name. He's never a religious or superstitious man, and he doesn't believe in vampire, werewolf, and fairy tales. And now look where he is. He wants to yell "Why me?". He wants it all to be a dream. He wants to turn back time and make things right. He wants his life and his body back. But first he needs to find out as many answers, clues and tips as he can.

"What do you mean you lied?" Morelli bravely asks, trying desperately to hold his cute tiny hamster voice steady to hide his sudden fear.

With bright unblinking eyes the ferocious cat holds him prisoner for a long minute. The mischievous grin disappears from his solemn face as he softly says, "The CLOCK started ticking the moment you made the decision to drink the potion and steal Stephanie away from the man she truly loves. And now you have a little more than 13 hours left."

Joe Morelli blinks and blinks again, and his mind goes numb. 13 hours. He's got 13 hours. Only 13 hours. To find his true love. To get her—please let it be her, please—kiss...he suddenly looks up as a thought strikes him. "How do I know you are not lying this time?"

"What's the point doing the same trick twice?"

The familiar barely there smile returns to the cat's face. Once again it eerily reminds Joe Morelli of someone, but the little chubby hamster is too upset and too frustrated to think about it right now. He looks down, trying to stare at his feet but can only see his furry round belly, and silently counts to 10. He then looks up at the cat and asks through clenched teeth, "Why did you lie?"

The cat widens his eyes a fraction as if surprised or rather amused, and raises a brow at the hamster. "Because 'The Rock just doesn't like you, John Cena' ?"

And right at that moment Joe Morelli finally realizes whom the cat reminds him of.

_**Ranger**_.


	20. Mirror Mirror On The Wall

**Mirror Mirror On The Wall**

Ranger. Joe Morelli, now shaking with indignity, rage and fear, almost numbly thinks. The crazy loose cannon. The reckless ruthless cold-blooded calculating mercenary. The tall dark handsome and rich but dangerous man who looks just as smooth and sleek as all those expensive sexy German cars and always reminds him of jaguars, leopards and black panthers. The mysterious man who remains an enigma wrapped inside a riddle and somehow managed to take Stephanie's love away from him and steal her heart. Is Ranger the one who set this trap? Is Ranger behind all this? Is Ranger related to this cat? Is Ranger a normal person? Is Ranger even human? And Oh my God, does Stephanie realize what kind of creature she has just married?

"Kudos, Detective, you do know how to ask all the wrong kinds of questions." The cat gives a soft low laugh, interrupting Morelli's wild, paranoid train of thought, fixes his suddenly brighter and deeper eyes on the gaping hamster and quietly continues. "Maybe you should start asking yourself more pressing and important questions. Do you really know what love truly is? Why is some love so cheap? Why is some love so weak? Why is some love just an excuse? Why is some love worse than a lie? Doesn't love mean respect, understanding and trust? Doesn't love mean accepting and loving her as she is? Doesn't love mean wanting her to be happy? Doesn't love mean wanting whatever is best for her? Doesn't love mean wanting to give her whatever she needs? Doesn't love mean wanting to protect her, to save her, to help her out? Doesn't love mean wanting to see her become better, smarter and stronger? Doesn't love mean wanting her to be safe, to be free, to be capable, to be independent, to be confident, to be able to stand on her own and go after her dreams? Do you really know who Stephanie is? Do you really know what she wants? Do you really know what she needs? Do you really want to share a life with her? Do you really love her as who she is? Did you ever step up the plate and prove your love? Have you ever once thought of stopping standing aside like an indifferent bystander while Ranger bled his blood and money to protect her and help her out?

"You never ever jumped at the opportunities to help her because you didn't want to bring your private life into work and thus taint your reputation as a professional and endanger your career. You never ever lent her your car because you treasured your car and you are never one to throw away money. You never ever took her to a gun range or checked if there were any bullets in her gun because you flat out didn't like the idea of her shooting people. You never ever signed her up for self-defense lessons because you didn't want her to use it on you someday. You never ever checked and helped charge her stun gun when she forgot. You knew all about her and Ranger all along but you chose to remain silent. Your words are always louder than your action because all you ever want from Stephanie Plum is nothing but hot steaming balls-to-the-wall gorilla sex. What kind of man will step away and allow another man to save the woman **_he_** loves if he really truly loves her?"

The cat then gives his tail a lazy playful twitch and graces a stunned and ashamed Joe Morelli with a full on 10000 Watt smile. "Nah, I'm not related to Carlos. We are way too different to be relatives. I'm too talkative."

He doesn't hear the alarmed cry. He doesn't feel the firm but gentle grasp of a giant human hand. He does, however, finally see those full, supple, beautifully shaped lips coming closer and closer toward his face but alas, it's too late. And thus Joe Morelli loses his first kiss, as a hamster, to Ranger's animal-loving second-in-command, Tank.

And nope, they are not meant for each other, I'm afraid.


	21. Who's the Fairest of Them All?

**Who's the Fairest of Them All**?

The answering machine automatically picks up the call, and immediately Angie Morelli's calm but nevertheless furious voice sounds and somehow manages to make her son's 2-story house shake like a wobbling pudding. An wide-eyed Rex Manoso shovels his second pack of Pop-Tarts into his mouth and tries not to shiver while listening to the upset woman's message.

"Joseph, what is this nonsense I heard about Vincent Plum leaving his wife and moving in with you? Is it true that he went over to your place last night with nothing but his red silk sleeping robe on and spent the night? And what were the two of you doing at the station this morning? Why are you taking time off? Where are you going? What are you thinking? Have you lost your mind? Is this some trick to get back at Stephanie? Or are you still trying to get her back? Do you not know what kind of person her husband is? Are you trying to get yourself killed? You—"

Rex aims the magic remote control Vincent gave him before leaving at the answering machine and mutes it. So this is human life. He finishes chewing, licks the crumbs off his lips, and thinks. Wake up. Eat breakfast. Go to work. Go home. Watch TV. Eat Snacks. Feel sleepy. And have issues with your mother. It's definitely not as fabulous as you think, and it's boring. He casts another longing look at the Tastykakes and all of a sudden becomes homesick. He misses the bright, airy and spacious serene 7th floor apartment. He misses his hamster wheel and hamster ball. He misses Ella's smile and her beautiful Spanish songs. He misses Stephanie. He misses Ranger. He's really happy and very grateful for all those Boston Cream doughnuts, French fries, Coke and Pop-Tarts, but he misses his life as a chubby hamster so, so much. And now he just wants to go home...

A large, snowy-white and grumpy-looking duck materializes out of a beam of light through the kitchen window and blows a sigh. Life is never easy for ultra-talented and capable Magical Creatures like him. Sometimes he just wishes Vinnie can sweep his wife off her feet and move to a place where people are not so into gossiping and messing up other people's life. Now—thanks to Lucille's over-talkative cousin, who happens to be Morelli's neighbor across the narrow street—he has to drop everything else to address this issue in Vinnie's place. He casts another pitying look at the lonely and distressed hamster and takes out his Blackberry—yes, Doc the Duck prefers Blackberry to iPhone for he's never a Jobs fan and he LOVES berries. You got a problem with that? Nope? Good. I know just how much you treasure your life—and places the call.

At the other side of the city inside the vet clinic, Kitty—no, trust me, you really don't want to go there—flicks his ear and falls silent for a fraction of a second. He then holds the trembling hamster captive with his shining mesmerizing eyes and in a most beautiful and charming voice almost gleefully says, "Face your destiny and enjoy your last moment, Mr. Morelli. You are not going to end up as a hamster for the rest of your life after all. Ain't that a pity?"


	22. A Red, Red Apple

**A Red, Red Apple**

"Face your destiny and enjoy your last moment."

The cat's oh so sexy and soft gentle voice echoes inside Morelli's suddenly empty brain like an extremely sweet and tempting beautiful chanson. The world comes to a silent stop around him. So this is it. He vaguely and forlornly thinks. He is going to die. As Rex. As a hamster. As Stephanie's beloved furry pet who once bit him like a hungry vampire. All alone inside a hamster cage. All alone inside a strange and unfamiliar vet clinic. All alone and far away from home. He's too numb to feel any fear. But he's not too stunned to realize he has way too many regrets. He has no chance to chase his dreams and fulfill his fate. There will never be a lovely cozy house with white picket fence. There will never be 6 laughing running kids. There will never be hot delicious dinner on his table at 6 sharp every night. There will never be washed, ironed, mended and folded clothes, socks and underwears in his closet and drawers. And Stephanie won't be there waiting for him in their bed with that beautiful smile on her face.

All because he made a stupid wish.

All because he fell for a well-planned trick.

All because he wanted his Cupcake back.

All because Ranger stole her away from him...

Kitty narrows his eyes at Joe Morelli. He can clearly sense where this angry upset and self-centered clueless man's train of thoughts is heading. How this way too hairy and stubbornly foolish man manages to remain oblivious to plain simple facts is beyond amazing. And now Kitty feel his fury, impatience and disgust rising. He's a fierce and ferocious warrior. He's noted for being smart, brave, calculating and adventurous. But he's never like those mild and polite Elves of Lothlórien. He has a temper. And he flat-out doesn't like stupid creatures, mammals, humans, idiots, whatever. He fixes his sharp eyes on the ever so dumb Italian Stallion and immediately gets Morelli's full attention. He stays silent for a moment longer than comfortable and is about to speak when out of nowhere the love of his life appears, clings to his side and purrs.

"Are you done yet? Can we go now? PleasePleasePlease?" Kkat wraps her oh so adorable long bushy and just a little bit crooked tail around Kitty's straight sleek one and tilts her head, and suddenly freezes and sniffs the air. "Rrrrrat." She whispers dreamily and locks her eyes with Morelli's. "Rrrrrrrraaaat."

Something deep down within Joe Morelli yells at him to run for his pathetic life, but he just stands there staring at Kkat. He instinctively knows he should be really, really scared and afraid of this fluffy and goofy-looking tortoiseshell cat. But somehow he simply can't take his eyes off those beautifully clear Turkey blue eyes. And something, something about this much smaller cat reminds him of everything sweet, warm, familiar and tender in his life and makes him want to cry...

A fresh-out-of-the-oven doughnut...

A perfectly baked homemade apple pie...

The cool breeze on a hot summer night

And the 16-year-old Stephanie Plum...

"Babe," Kitty sighs and in a blink of an eye morphs into a huge black panther. He then lowers his head and gently picks up Kkat by the scruff of her neck the moment she tries to swipe her claws at an immobilized Joe Morelli. Yes, he told her his lifestyle didn't lend itself to relationships. Yes, he told her he didn't do stupid things like marriage and babies. Yes, he told her his love didn't come with a ring. Yes, he told her he was not exactly family material. But did Kkat ever listen to him? **_No_**.

Kitty rolls his eyes at himself and disappears along with his drooling wife in a cloud of silver dusts. And right away a rather smug-looking black sheep pops out of thin air and raises both his heavy brows at the much-tortured Trenton police detective.

"This is your Lucky Day, Mr. Detective," Sean the Sheep says with a heavy Scottish accent and a smirk on his face, "I'm here to grant you a wish. Whether you want to have your own body back or spend the rest of your life inside a cage, it's all up to you."

And somehow Joe Morelli doesn't feel happy about it. At all...


	23. Confession Of An Honest Mind

****Confession Of An Honest Mind****

Silence descends as three tiny delicate crystal bottles materialize out of nowhere in front of Morelli. One has enchanting forest green bubbling liquid inside. One contains breathtaking blue sands. And the last one is empty. The little hamster swallows nervously and looks up at the sheep, and is amazed to find that a kindest smile he has ever seen in his whole life has replaced the annoying smirk. And the unconditional sympathy, understanding and acceptance in the sheep's eyes make crystal tears roll down Morelli's hamster cheeks. He thinks of his lost hopes and shattered dreams. He thinks of his bumpy eventful life. He thinks of his tragedy of a childhood. He thinks of his abnormal twisted relationship with Stephanie. He thinks of his envy, jealousy and fear of Ranger. He thinks of his unhappiness. He thinks of his loneliness. He thinks of the emptiness and hollow that have been eating his heart and soul for years. And he longs for someone to want him, to love him, to trust him, to need him, to hold him, to be with him...

"This is your one and only chance to redemption, Joseph." Sean says softly and gently, like a loving grandfather telling a scary Christmas story. "Grab a bottle and make your wish. But do remember to think carefully and then choose wisely. Do you want a life full of love and happiness? Do you want to end up with a life that offers nothing but emptiness? Or will you spend the rest of your life in regrets? Like I said, it's all up to you."

Morelli blinks back his tears and nods his head. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes to collect himself. He knows what he wants. He always knows what he wants but which one is the right bottle? _The answer is right in front of your eyes._ A quiet little voice whispers in his mind. The green liquid looks so peaceful. The blue sands reminds him of deep ocean. And the last bottle makes him feel lonely and so cold. He opens his eyes and suddenly thinks of all the stories and fairy tales he has ever read or heard, and then of the real Holy Grail in _Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade_.

And he knows the answer.

Without hesitation the chubby little hamster reaches out both his pink front paws and firmly grasps hold of the third bottle, and in a flash of blinding light he's gone from the cage. A wicked mischievous smile blossoms on the black sheep's face. And in a blink of an eye he's there rolling around on the floor laughing so hard that he can hardly breathe. The tall, lean and smart-looking Dr. House strolls into the room with a steaming cup of unsweetened organic Oolong tea in his hand and raises a brow at his prank master of a colleague.

"Oh my God," Sean looks up at his partner and says breathlessly amid giggles. "I'm so ** _EVIL_**."


	24. You Have To Believe We Are MAGIC

********You Have To Believe W **e Are MAGIC**********

The chubby little hamster jerks awake and blinks in confusion, feeling eerily tired and exhausted. Slowly he looks around and gapes at his surroundings. He's back inside the old glass aquarium, right on top of the narrow kitchen counter inside the familiar shabby 2nd floor apartment, and he has absolutely no idea how and why he ends up here. "Grab a bottle and make your wish." That's what the kind black sheep told him. So he did exactly as he was told and chose the empty bottle—Hello! Of course it is the third bottle. Remember the story of the 3 axes? The gold axe, the silver axe, and the plain iron one? And everyone knows the old wooden cup Indiana Jones chose is the real Holy Grail—and made his wish. So why is he here inside Stephanie's old apartment? Why is he still a hamster? He wished for a life without regrets and full of love and happiness. He wished for Stephanie's hand in marriage. He wished for a beautiful long life with his precious Cupcake and their 6 cute kids. He wished that Ranger could simply disappear...

Joe Morelli twitches his little hamster ears and turns his head upon hearing the faintest sound of the old security chain sliding back into place, and suddenly feels a sharp pang of anger rising deep within as a tall dark shadow silently appears. Ranger. What the Hell is Ranger doing here at this unholy hour of the night? Why is Ranger smiling his barely there but still dazzling smile? The furious hamster is about to jump up and down, wave his tiny front paws and scream in protest when Stephanie steps out of the darkness and wraps her arms tightly around Ranger. He almost passes out in a dead faint the moment he hears his Cupcake tell the crazy ruthless cold-blooded calculating mercenary that she loves him. His heart and soul and dreams and hopes then crack and shatter into millions and millions of tiny debris as they kiss. Loneliness, pain and despair swallow him whole and he becomes unconscious...

Morelli blinks in surprise as he finds himself back inside his body. He's all alone in his 2-story house. Bob is currently staying with his mother. He breathes in the familiar soothing smell of his home, his castle, his kingdom: 14-hour-old extra cheese and garlic pizzas. Half-eaten but still yummy meatball subs. The last drop of beer at the bottom of the bottles. His favorite brand of aftershave and cologne. And of course, Bob. He looks down and frowns at the pinkish bubbling liquid inside the tiny delicate crystal bottle. Today is the day of Stephanie's wedding. Raging waves of bitter jealousy and murderous hatred fill his whole being. Unbearable pain and desperate sorrow almost choke him.

This is his last chance to love and any happiness. The woman he wants and desires is going to marry his sworn enemy/rival in less than 10 minutes. He has tried all he could to stop her from marrying that crazy bastard. He has rushed to a jewelry store and bought her the cheapest diamond ring he could afford. He has dropped down onto both knees and cried and pleaded. But still he failed his mission as she looked into his eyes and gently told him in front of everyone inside Pino's, "Joe, I'm sorry. I'm in love with Ranger and he loves me, too."

Her open rejection nailed his fate. All his dreams and hopes and longings were smashed. All the purpose and meaning of his life were erased. He was searching on the Internet for a painless method to rid him of his permanent heartache when he came across the little ad:

_Solution to Save Lost Love_.

His frantic prayer got him no answer. His teary regret brought him no redemption. So he paid online with his credit card and received a small package 2 days later. And inside the black velvet box lay this bottle and a note written in dark black ink, "Drink it 5 minutes before the wedding."

And now here he is, standing all alone in his sad lonely empty two story house with a shattered broken heart. "Drink it!" His envy and jealousy of Ranger calling out to him. "Drink it!" His desperate love for Stephanie whispering to him. So he closes his eyes, takes a long breath, and drinks the magic potion. The world around him starts to fade. It was the sentence at the bottom of the ad that helped me make the decision, he suddenly remembers.

_Take Your Enemy's Place At The Altar._

Yes, he wants to be the man standing at the altar waiting for his Cupcake. He wants to be the one putting the wedding ring onto her slender finger. He wants to be the one spending the rest of his life with her. He wants to be the father of their beautiful children. He wants...he wants to be Ranger...

Joe Morelli loses his consciousness and wakes up slowly a brief second later. And inside the small, serene church where the Manoso—Plum wedding will soon be held, the tall dark handsome groom smiles a most charming smile. He is going to marry Stephanie Plum, the love of his life...


	25. All's Well That Ends Well

**All's Well That Ends Well**

The chubby little hamster blinks. And blinks again. He looks around slowly as if dazed. And then all of a sudden he starts jumping up and down, cheers, and does a twirling happy dance. Rex Manoso is now almost in tears. He's finally back inside his own body in his portable cage. He has totally no idea how he ends up here, but honestly, he doesn't care. He has always been a practical hamster, and instead of wasting his time on meaningless questions, he focuses on "now" and "here". He has his body and life back now, and that's the only thing that matters. The last 24 hours have been a most unbelievable crazy ride. Though Rex still and will always love doughnuts, Pop-Tarts, French fries and Tastykakes till the day he dies, right now he's more than happy and contented to take a bite of the uber healthy organic hamster treats Ranger bought him. He's never a greedy beast, and he has just realized it's not a good idea to crave for things not right and never meant for him. And the cute furry hamster is also utterly relieved that he won't have to learn to read and write and become a police detective. Running away screaming and throwing his police badge and gun at the criminals and sickos chasing him is not his idea of fun.

Dr. House takes a sip of his tea and exchanges a satisfied smile with Sean the gleeful sheep. Their job is done here. It's time to go home. Behind the reception desk of the vet clinic, the always smiling assistant dials Tank's number and informs him that Rex is fine and ready to go home. And at the other side of the city inside a nice cozy 2-story house, Doc the snowy-white duck resists the urge to place his wing over his twitching eyes as the tall dark and movie star handsome man looks up worriedly and confusedly at him with soulful trusting melted chocolate eyes and timidly says, "Woof?"


	26. Be Careful What You Wish

********Be Careful What You Wish  
** ** ** **

Bella Morelli is not really a dog person, but she loves Bob. The big orange dog's trusting soulful brown eyes never fail to remind her of the young Sicilian baker her stern parents forbade her to marry. They had already chosen Antonio Morelli, the distant cousin of one of their wealthy neighbors, to be her husband. "It will be a very good marriage." They told her. "Antonio has a respectable job, and he has just bought his own house in a good neighborhood. You will have a roof over your head. You will have food on your table. That is what really matters, Bella. Stop being foolish." So the 18-year-old Bella Inzaghi had no choice but to obey her parents' order, buried her love for the young man she truly loved deep within her heart, and became Mrs. Antonio Filippo Morelli 9 weeks later. Whenever Bella's face was bruised and hurting from her drunken husband's slapping, she always thought of her Giuseppe's gentle, smiling, loving eyes. And Bob's eyes are just like his...

Grandma Bella wipes her tears and loudly blows her nose, and startles Bob awake. The drooling dog blinks, yawns, looks around, sniffs the air, sniffs himself, gapes, and then jumps up from the couch and starts howling like crazy. And high above in the still bright late afternoon sky, another shooting star flies across the universe and no, she doesn't even bother to hide the smirk on her cold smooth silvery face.

Oh, how she loves granting all the wrong kinds of stupid wishes...and then twisted it...

**~The End~**

****


	27. Sneak Peek Chapter: Once Upon A Time

****Sneak Peek Chapter**  
**

**~Once Upon A Time~  
**

"Giuseppe, now now."

Grandma Bella tries to calm Bob down. She doesn't want his howling to disturb or annoy the neighbors. Maybe it's her gentle tone, maybe it's the love and longing in her old shaking voice, Bob always quiets down immediately when she calls him Giuseppe. But this time the big orange dog just looks at her with wide half-crazed panic eyes and keeps on running around the house and howls. Bella doesn't know what is wrong with this lovely goofy dog. Is it something he ate? Is he having a stomach ache? Or a tooth ache? They had pumpkin agnolotti and coffee ice cream for lunch, and Angie also gave him a cup of his dry dog food. Bella racks her brain and thinks. But nothing is out of ordinary.

She and Angie took Bob out for a walk in the morning, and a very nice young man helped clean up the poo. They went home and watched some TV. Bella personally made sure there was no onion in the agnolotti. They listened to the radio and fell asleep on the couch not long after lunch. She dreamed of her Giuseppe and woke up. As usual she cried a little. And then everything changed. One minute Bob was peacefully sleeping and snoring on the couch, and the next minute he jerked awake and started howling like a rabid wolf. Did he have a very scary nightmare? Or did he sense something? Are they going to have another earthquake? She heard that animals can sense earthquake, danger and even disease and illness. Is Bob trying to warn her? Is a tornado or a hurricane coming? Or a tsunami like the one she saw on the news? No matter what the reason is, she can't let Bob behave like this. The non-stop howling is going to upset the neighbors. And it's also driving her crazy. **  
**

Bella thinks for a moment and makes her decision. First of all, she needs to make sure Bob is not sick. She will have Angie call Joseph right now. Hopefully a trip to the vet will solve the mystery. And she also wants to see her Joseph. She can't wait to hold her favorite grandson him tight in her arms and tell him not to be sad. He deserves a woman way better than that Stephanie Plum.

**~The story will continue in " _Happily Ever After",_ the upcoming Sequel to _"MAGIC"_ ~**


End file.
